john's blog

"Unselfish Prose"

2010-11-05T07:03:00.000-07:00

I am working my way through the beautiful art and writings of Tyndale's Mosaic Bible, with its devotional text which surrounds the New Living Translation with artistic images and writings of authors from the 1st century up to today. It really is an exceptional experience, and helps surround the beauty of the NLT Text (in my opinion, the most beautiful english translation for pure reading) with a multi-sensory environment that aids in bringing the text alive.

The ancient writers in particular get to me (and even those not-so-ancient writers of the 16th-19th centuries). I realized that there is something about language that gives them an advantage. Though writing in the vernacular of their day, their writings tranported into our postmodern context show a depth that is poetic, passionate, and artistic. They are in a sense timeless, in the way that high church worship is always timeless. They don't submit themselves to modern slang, hipness, or relevance; bur rather serve to call us out of our "selfish" existence and into a more selfless, timeless experience; and when we empty ourselves of ourselves, God can fill the void.

Consider this writing by Thomas À Kempis:

Grant me, O Lord, to know what I ought to know,
to love what I ought to love,
to praise what delights Thee most,
to value what is precious is Thy sight,
to hate what is offensive to Thee.
Do not suffer me according to the sight of my eyes,
nor to pass sentence according to the hearing of the ears of ignorant men;
but to discern with a true judgment between things visible and spiritual,
and above all things always to inquire what is the good pleasure of Thy will.

This is such a complete prayer for spiritual living, with obvious tangible desires expressed by the writer, and yet the language is anything but self-oriented. The very essence of the prayer seems to throw the writer upon the mercy of God, and orient everything in his life to God's command and influence. There is nothing to call attention to the writer; in fact, the writer seems to disappear in his writing entirely, leaving us with a vivid picture of complete, no-holds-barred access to the Father. The last sentence, in particular, sums up the prayer, and the entire Christian life: to ask God, "What is the good pleasure of Your will?""--a prayer that we could never pray enough.

So often older English, replete with Thee's and Thou's, has been reduced to dead ritual and mere rote, and thus abandoned from modern and postmodern worship. But maybe the problem isn't in the language, but rather in us: maybe we have become too busy, too scientific, too motivated, too organized, too goal-oriented, and too intentional in our lives to stop and to listen. Maybe we haven't taken the time to allow the older language, this high church vernacular, to slow us down, to change us, to place us back in a simpler and yet more profound time: when men and women of faith "laid aside every encumbrance" (Hebrews 12:1), and rather than fitting God into their busy lives, molded their lives around an eternal and omnipotent God, trusting that He would shape them fully and completely.

I believe that there is more to this style of writing and expression than meets the eye (and ear), and that we would do well to take the time to immerse ourselves in this world a bit more--for we would certainly be the better for it.

Running in the Dark

2010-10-27T05:53:00.000-07:00

I have always bounced between being a "night person" (most of college, touring on the road, etc.) and being a "morning person" (working at a church or other established institutions). These days I seem to be a morning person. Two things have helped: a morning run in the dark, and taking my daughter to high school (which for some unfathomable reason starts at 730 am in our town!).

The morning run gives me time to think. No distractions (other than avoiding the headlines of cars speeding by on the parkway), almost no other people (except for a few high school students waiting for the school bus), and almost no sound. It's really quiet--eerily so. And in that time, besides doing something I feel is pretty good for me, I have time alone. Really alone.

Today I listened to Ocean Eyes by Owl City. After nearly a month of non-stop play in my car CD player (followed by merciless analyzing and picking apart in order to understand why this talented young person's music affects me so powerfully), I had put it away on the shelf and turned to other things: Cool-period jazz (Miles Davis and Oliver Nelson), Sting's new "Symphonicities", and a variety of things. But today Ocean Eyes once again made its way to my iPod Shuffle. And everything old is new again. What a wonderfully crafted CD, in every way--lyrics, melodies, production, grooves, content. It's really a complete expression, and I love it.

I also thought about my life, particularly after reading Adam Young's Owl City Blog Post about his new rendition of the worship classic "In Christ Alone" by Keith Getty and Stuart Townend. This 24-year old artist/worshiper challenges me in many ways, but most particularly by encouraging me to live life at my very best. His words remind me of a statement by John Ortberg in his "The Life You've Always Wanted" book and study series. John defines a spiritually mature person as one who "does the right thing at the right time in the right way for the right reason." It's a high calling, and I am humbled at how much of my life is lived while on autopilot, or "mailing it in" (doing less than my very best), or reaching too low with goals and standards. It's something that any artist, particularly one who also tries to support a family, has to reckon with. But this high calling is what gives our lives meaning, and allows us to press on.

Thank you Adam for the encouragement and inspiration. Your words and thoughts reverberated in the quiet of my morning run in the dark, and brought daylight to my soul.

7 Reasons I Love Owl City's music

2010-04-18T20:07:00.000-07:00

I have become enchanted with Owl City's music, and got to hear the band live last night at Nokia Theater in Grand Prairie, Texas. As a composer and producer, I have given a lot of thought to analyzing why Adam Young's music gets through to me the way it does. I have come to realize that his writing, producing and performing craft embrace some serious values in great music, all the more true in contrast to what I feel is an overall loss of these values in so much of what I hear these days in the music world.

So, here's what I've come up with:

1. The Art of Lyric Writing - Many have mourned the alleged death of the great art of lyric writing. Though Broadway and Country have, and will continue to have, great lyricists, many rock, pop and soul songs have suffered from a lack of great lyrics. Owl City's lyrics are clever and thoughtful. Adjectives are chosen wisely, yielding rich word-painting. Thoughts come out of nowhere, unexpectedly taking the listener in an entirely different direction than what might have been predicted. Each song tells a story, carrying the listener through twists and turns that are anything but safe. The adventurous lyrics risk corniness, sentimentality, and cuteness, but yet the end result is ultimately so much more satisfying.

2. Rhyming - Although I could have put this in the preceding paragraph on lyric writing, I appreciate thoughtful and clever rhyming so much that here I feel it deserves its own category. With so much soft rhyme (vowels only, or even similar vowels, and little regard for consonants or blends) in music today, and often complete disregard for rhyme, lyrics so tightly written and rhymed are a pure joy to listen to.

3. Melody - Again, great melody stands out in simple contrast to not-so-great melody. Less than stellar melodies are often characterized by limited range, excessive rhythmic simplicity (read: boredom), lack of curve and contour, excessive repetition. (And for the record, I'm not sure that a string of repeated pitches in the same rhythm, though common, is necessarily all that creative.) Owl City's melodies are anything but--angular, exciting, interesting, not necessarily easy to sing immediately, and yet totally memorable and unique.

4. The Instrumental Hook - Owl City has revived the instrumental hook. Again, by contrast, many songs use them, but they are so simplistic, repetitive, and unimaginative that they can easily be forgotten. Not these: the hooks here are unique, interesting, and memorable. In addition (and this is rare) they work instrumentally or sung with words, a tall order for any writer.

5. Dynamic Range - With sudden changes from very loud to very soft occurring instantaneously, these songs have great dramatic interest. A song shouldn't be loud (or soft) from start to finish; good music grows, swells, has direction, and moves the listener along with it. Adam's music builds sonic "walls of sound," and suddenly drops to just piano and transparent drum loops, or distant, processed vocals over string figures. And then the process reverses, and we're back at a full, almost orchestral deluge of sound again. He harnesses the power of his dynamic range and uses it to his advantage.

6. Synths that sound like synths, used as synths - In a world where synthesizers and samplers often "replace" live instruments (strings, guitars, drums, etc.), it is refreshing to hear synths that sound like synths. Lead sounds, bell sounds, great synth basses, beautiful pads, all used without apology. Having been a fan of synths while working as a musician in the 1980's (when synths were coming into their heyday), I love how they're used here, doing what they do best--hooky figures, towering cascades of sound, punchy rhythmic figures, and full, rich bass sounds.

7. Sonic Clarity and Transparency - WIth so much rhythmic energy and complexity in this music, sloppy reverb or blasting, distorted guitar just won't cut it. What's needed here is clean and clear mixing and processing, that leaves room for the spaces between the notes. I think this quality makes all the others possible--this kind of music doesn't work without strict attention to detail and separation in the mix. I also think that the relatively dry treatment of some of the sounds aids this clarity.

So that's it--just a quick rundown of some things that I value very much in good, enjoyable, thoughtful, and memorable music, and the music of Owl City hits a home run in all of these areas. I have read unflattering reviews of the music of Owl City, of course, one man's treasure is another's trash; I certainly respect any thoughtful review. But this music finds a way straight to my heart, and though much of that is purely subjective and organic, there are some very concrete reasons why it works as well as it does. My hat's off to Adam and his immense creativity.

The Creative Process

2010-01-06T07:38:00.000-08:00

At my DNA level I am a "creative." I am a composer, an arranger, an orchestrator, a worship service programmer, a teacher and a public speaker. As such, I love to create things: music, concerts, groups, events, worship services. I love starting with nothing but an idea and a blank score page or legal pad, and am always fascinated (and truly humbled) at how, over time, that blank space gets filled with ideas, elements, and solutions, and at some point, a finished product emerges, ready to be heard, seen, felt, and experienced. I never cease to be amazed at the process each time it happens.

No where was this more apparent than the process I witnessed (really!) several years ago when completing a choral/orchestral commission for a Dallas Symphony Christmas Concert. I was asked to create a new setting of the timeless classic "Carol of the Bells." Knowing that there were potential copyright issues with certain texts in common use, I set out to create my own set of lyrics, all the while framing the work within Handbell sonorities, energetic string figures, fanfares from the brass section, and a big entrance from the magnificent organ at the Myerson Symphony Center.

I can't say I remember writing the work (a common experience for me). I do remember struggling with the text--doing my best to complete rhymes, chain coherent thoughts together, all the while keep things in control and harmony for both choir and orchestra. In addition, the standard creative concerns presented themselves: how to start the piece, where is the big moment, how long should it be, and most of all, how does it end. I worked through all these parts of the journey, while trying to maintain a healthy view of the big picture. And as often happens, when I finished, I stared at it, and thought, "where did THAT come from?!" I truly do not remember most of the process.

All of this confirms for me that we are not the only active participant in our creative process; as we are created in the image of OUR Creator, we bear His image as creative as well, and it is very apparent to me that His creativy manifests itself through our gifts, talents, and processes, guiding us along. Now I do not hold to the view that "God gave me" such and such a work; I would never blame God for any of my paltry efforts! But I do sense His hand guiding mine as I explore undiscovered vistas, and watch as He unfolds the unknown before my eyes. I can truly say that I am not only a participant, but also an observer, and a grateful one at that.

When you struggle to be creative, I suggest you pause and remember that you're not alone. You don't do this on your own; the Teacher, Friend, Comforter and Companion who created You stands by and lends a hand as you mirror His efforts to "bring something out of nothing." It is His nature, and it is what you were meant to do. Participate, and watch in wonder!

John Frame's movie review

2009-10-08T12:36:00.001-07:00

I happened across John M. Frame's name while following the Tim Keller - Willow Creek dialogue on the web. (More on that later.)

At Mr. Frame's site I found some really thoughtful movie reviews; his review of the Richard Gere-Sharon Stone film Intersection contains this very insightful line: "For all the culture critics say, most people today in the US are not entirely "post-Christian." They still carry with them a lot of "borrowed capital" from Christianity, and they still believe in moral reality."

God's touch through others

2009-06-13T06:54:00.000-07:00

Lately I've noticed two tangible occurences in which I feel the touch of God through friends: being prayed for (or over), and being given "God's peace" in a handshake at departing.

I felt an amazing sense of God's provision when Darlene Zschech, longtime worship leader and pastor at Hillsong Church, Australia, prayed over our entire group (a few thousand) at the Wonder conference.

And I again felt God's hand when Ian Morgan Cron and I said goodbye after meeting in person, and Ian wish me "God's peace."

These are tangible evidences of God's Spirit reaching directly to us through the person of another. What a gift.

Wonder 09 - post conference thoughts

2009-06-13T06:28:00.000-07:00

Just returned to my inlaws' after the fantastic Willow Creek "Wonder 09" Arts Conference. As often happens, I had every intention of blogging throughout the event, but the firehose of input was too great! I did twitter regularly, and those feeds appeared in my Facebook page as well. I will blog my impressions and experiences over the next few days, but in the meantime, I've uploaded a public photo album to Facebook which you can view here.

Wonder 09 - Opening Session

2009-06-10T10:32:00.000-07:00

As always, Willow doesn't disappoint when it comes to worship, wonder, emotion, and spectacle. There was so much talent on that stage, from the band (and esp. Chris Siebold on Guitar) to the great singers, Matt Lundgren's leadership; the dancers, readers and actors; world-class lighting, video and sound; and of course, Nancy Beach's vision and clarity of presentation running like a thread throughout the entire proceeding.

I've been listening to Nancy for over 10 years now, and it's fun to watch her life grow and change, and see how she incorporates that transparency into her talks. She is a masterful presenter. What a joy.

What a great opening to what promises to be an incredible Conference. It's the one I try not to miss every year!

Great thoughts from Purpose Driven Life

2009-06-06T16:43:00.000-07:00

I'm in the home stretch (2 chapters to go) of reading Rick Warren's "The Purpose Driven Life." There are some simple but very profound thoughts throughout the book. Here's one from Chapter 38:

"People may refuse our love or reject our message, but they are defenseless against our prayers."

One discipline I added during the study was to go ahead and type out all the scriptures referenced each chapter. It's quite an amazing collection. Now and then a verse will pop out, even though I might have read it many times before. This one hit me today:

And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place, that they should seek God, in the hope that they might feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us. Acts 17:26-27 ESV

It's just some great stuff for thought and meditation.

Heading to Willow Creek

2009-06-06T15:33:00.000-07:00

John Ortberg speaks of the benefits of, among other spiritual practices involving our time, taking an annual "pilgrimage," where we leave daily life and go to a place where we can connect more deeply with God for an extended period of time. For me, this annual trip finds its depth in the Willow Creek Arts Conference outside of Chicago each June, and next week I will once again make the trek to South Barrington for "Wonder 09."

I have attended a few Willow Arts conferences, and never been disappointed. The worship is wonderful, and it's always a bonus for those who lead worship on a weekly basis to stand under the leadership of others and simply worship, without having to do the heavy lifting. And worship at Willow has NEVER disappointed. This summer promises to be great with Hillsong United's team from Australia leading worship on Wednesday and Charlie Hall on Thursday night. Darlene Zschech and Joel Houston from Hillsong will also share learning experiences with us.

In addition, some exceptional folks will be presenting in other sessions: Phil Vischer of Veggie Tales fame; Chip Heath and Dan Heath, of the great "Made to Stick" book and contributors to Fast Company magazine; and of course Nancy Beach, who always inspires and motivates me!

At this conference I will be leading a Conversation entitled "Reclaiming the Mystery: Liturgy in Contemporary Worship" that I am very excited about. I've been thinking hard on this topic for these past two years while working at a Missouri Synod Lutheran Church, and even trying out many of these ideas in worship services. It will be great to hear from other likeminded folks.

I'll be Twittering throughout the conference (Twitter: @johncomposer) and blogging as much as I can.

working for vs. working at

2009-05-12T13:50:00.001-07:00

I've lead worship, written music, or created programs for many churches as a freelance artist; I've also "worked at" churches as a full time staff member. And lately I've come to realize that there are some big differences between the two callings that go way beyond hours, dollars, benefits, or membership.

When I work "for" a church I am performing a service for that organization. The work is often for a set amount of time (lead worship for a few Sundays, write this chart, help create and orchestrate this music program). It's very exciting work, being called in to do what one does well and presumably what is needed most. And when it's done, you're done; you leave and move on to other projects, and the church moves along on their missional path as well.

I'm in full time ministry at my current church. I do many of the same things--leading worship, planning services, writing arrangements, etc.--but now I'm just doing it more consistently (as in most every week!). But that is not the only difference; I'm called to do something more, and that is to CARE where the organization goes. And this affects more than just the worship ministry I lead; my care extends to caring about every part of the ministry. I care what the building looks like; I care about what we preach and teach about. I care about how our people live their lives in the light of Christ's love. I even care about the donuts and coffee, and whether the lobby is attractive.

Besides all the musical/artistic duties on my plate, I'm also "on a staff," working toward a united team goal. I deeply care about how our church worships together, how the community sees us and is influenced by us, how our members grow and serve, and how new leaders are shaped and formed. And this kind of caring cannot be fit into a project or event--it's an ongoing lifestyle.

When I go to my studio (away from the church) to write or record a project, I walk right in and get to work. No fuss, no mess, no emotionalism, no ramifications. The current project is what it is, nothing more (except, of course, my hope that it will bless somebody in the hearing)!).

But when I walk into my church office, a different, larger set of priorities looms before me--people. Our people, new people, staff people, the people who we haven't even met yet. I find myself caring for people: relationships between staff members, between staff and parishioners, between the Senior Pastor, Assistant Pastor and me, between me and the choir I lead. And with all those people come a much deeper list of concerns that far overshadows considerations of what key, what tempo, how long, etc. This list includes dreams, goals, disappointments, heartaches, challenges, sin, disagreements, joys. These are the deep reservoirs of emotion that mark the lives of every person. Each person, to paraphrase C. S. Lewis, is at each moment progressing toward heaven or hell; and not only do we see the journey, but we take part in helping them (one way or another).

What an incredible responsibility--it can be overwhelming at times. But this, ultimately, is the joy of ministry--the opportunity to be used by God to be a blessing in someone's life, and to help them to move further along in their journey. Sometimes they welcome the help, while at other times they fight it, but it's God's work and our responsibility to see it through.

The occasional arranging project is clean, neat, orderly, and bound by a deadline. The work of shepherding and leading is timeless, messy, at times joyful and others discouraging, and always required--it never ends. As Paul writes in 1 Corinthians, "Love never fails." We don't "finish" loving--it's a lifelong project.

Gordon Goodwin's new CD - free track

2009-01-27T20:19:00.001-08:00

Following my review of "Act Your Age", I was contacted by a member of Gordon Goodwin's Big Phat Band's street team. (Nice to know that folks in high places read this!) They mentioned that you can download a free Big Phat Band track, just for being a reader of my blog. If you're interested, send an email with your full name to Gordongoodwinstreetteam@gmail.com (and mention that you heard about the offer here). Thanks Gordon!

Saw two [older] movies last night

2009-01-19T10:09:00.000-08:00

After watching Baltimore fall short against Pittsburgh last night (oh, well), I watched two movies that I hadn't seen in a long while: No Way Out with Kevin Kostner, and Judge Roy Bean with Paul Neumann. Two great old movies, made in a time before gee-whiz CG effects and louder-than-reality sound design, both movies were big on story and drama, and in each case took the audience deeply into the main character.

No Way Out was Kostner's break out film, and he was terrific. Maurice Jarre's all electronic score added to the tension of man seeing the jaws of a trap close in on him. Great performances abound by Gene Hackman, Will Patton, and many others. This movie is full of tension almost from the start to the very last scene.

Judge Roy Bean gives the story of a man who tires of wild west lawlessness and decides to create a code of conduct in a small town near the turn of the 20th century. It provides a fascinating story of a man who, although not avoiding violence to meet his goals, resists rampant crime and oppression while "cleaning up the west" one outlaw at a time. Great dialogue between Neumann and the rest of the cast, which includes Ned Beatty, Victoria Principal, Roddy McDowell, and various character actors. A fun ride!

These two films prove that great acting, great writing, and terrific ensemble can take us directly into the mind and heart of a character and cause us (even dare us) to feel what they feel. Though they are flawed, we find ourselves rooting for them.

Listening to...

2009-01-17T16:44:00.000-08:00

Some unique new music for me:

Esperanto by Lalo Schifrin. I've always been a fan of the composer of the themes to "Mission: Impossible" and "Mannix", and this CD doesn't disappoint. Featuring a collaboration between Schifrin, the WDR Big Band of Cologne Germany and several guest artists including Jean-Luc Ponty and Don Byron, the colors are fantastic.

Pictures at an Exhibition by the HR Big Band. This is an amazing CD--the classic orchestral work by Moussourgsky-Ravel, arranged (actually re-constituted and re-composed) by the great jazz composer and pianist Clare Fisher. Reminiscent of the old Gil Evans projects Sketches of Spain and +19 with Miles Davis.

Music & Mistletoe by Wayne Bergeron with the After Hours Brass. Interesting arrangements of traditional Christmas Carols performed by a collection of LA session brass and rhythm section players. Some very clever ideas!

Act Your Age by Gordon Goodwin's Big Phat Band. Can't let a new CD by Gordon get out without getting it and giving it a listen. Really nice stuff, as always, and the band is amazing.

Bach Transcriptions by the BBC Symphony Orchestra. These are major Bach works scored for symphony orchestra. I have always loved Schoenberg's orchestration of Bach's St. Anne's Fugue in Eb major, though recordings were scarce for years. It's on here, with many other great renditions.

What I'm reading in the new year

2009-01-17T16:33:00.000-08:00

After an incredibly busy fall and Advent season, things have slowed down and I can do some more reading. Here's what I'm into these days:

The Google Story by David S. Vise
The Laws of Simplicity by John Maeda
Devotional Classics edited by Richard Foster
Tribes by Seth Godin
Purple Cow by Seth Godin
Eat This Book by Eugene Peterson

Still working on The Purpose-Driven Life by Rick Warren. Just getting into the last 10 chapters where he asks some really tough questions. Great stuff.

When I get through this stack, another awaits me...

Hulu.com - the future is now

2008-09-29T10:27:00.001-07:00

I have felt strongly for along time that content owners will never win the "war" on privacy, particularly considering the ease of the Internet. A common tactic is to sue the abusers, often whom are the very customers the media companies need. The only way to truly win the war is to BETTER the pirates in their own backyard. For example, pirated DVD movies become far less attractive when they can be found at Wal-Mart for $5 each. And iTunes has single-handedly revolutionized downloadable music (and now movies and television), moving digital distribution to the mainstream.

Still, television program offered digitally (at best) a mixed bag of choices. But now into the mix steps hulu.com, a joint digital distribution venture between media giants NBC Universal and NewsCorp (parent of Fox). The current issue of Wired magazine (my brainstorming magazine of choice), offers an article about the free television programming site. Hulu is nothing short of amazing--great selection, great clarity, and truly free for the viewer, thanks to non-obtrusive advertising.

One quote near the end of the article summed up what I believe is the only successful strategy against piracy: "...the media companies no longer have a choice; if they don't put their choices online, someone else will. 'The best way to combat piracy is to make your content available,' [Jeff] Zucker [NBC Universal chief] says.' "

Finally, someone who gets it. Stop suing your customers and YouTube, and start wooing them away from the pirates. Hulu sure is a great step in the right direction.

Worship is not...

2008-07-29T09:15:00.000-07:00

My wife Gail came up with a line after her devotional today that rocked my heart:

Worship is not about about what it is, but where it takes you.

Genius.

We can sure get hung up on what songs, what style, what tempo, etc., etc., and really all that matters is whether we truly arrive at a place--engagement with God.

OSC redux

2008-07-19T11:33:00.001-07:00

Okay, one more Orson Scott Card quote--found this term on his review of the second Narnia movie:

"cinematic roadkill"

Laughed out loud, all alone in my studio. :)

[edit]

After reading this post on my site, I thought I'd better clarify--OSC wasn't using that term to describe the 2nd Narnia movie, quite the opposite. The context was that he thought that the studio did a good job making a movie that was true to the great book, and that he hoped the same thing would happen to his own stories--so that they WOULDN'T BECOME "cinematic roadkill."

Sorry for the murkiness!

Orson Scott Card totally hits the target

2008-07-19T11:22:00.000-07:00

I love Orson Scott Card; I love the way he writes, the way he thinks. And today I got a pleasant confirmation of his talents by happening across his blog review of Wall-E [spoiler alert!] along with several other things, most notably a review of some recently-released music by contemporary christian artists that gets right to the heart of the matter. Some may take offense (so what else is new, and in a sense a confirmation of some of his points!); but he makes some very important observations about the state of contemporary christian music. Not to be missed.

One of the most enjoyable aspects of this blog is that he covers so many diverse topics. Way to go, OSC; I'm as big a fan as ever!

Everything [in us] speaks

2008-07-19T07:03:00.000-07:00

Disney culture is famous for its maxim “Everything speaks,” which means that every detail within a Disney experience (at a park, in a movie, or in merchandise) says something, good or bad, true or false, intentional on unintentional. Disney employees and leaders are ruthless and meticulous about insuring that every single detail contributes to the impression they are trying to make on their guests. Buildings, signs, trees, flowers, streets and walkways, even trashcans, are designed and decorated to match an overall ambience with great care and intentionality.

In the same way, we “speak” every time we step out into public. We can offer blessing, love, and care, and enhance the lives of others; or we can choose to use, abuse, mistreat, or dominate them to our own sinful ends. This is true whether in the coffee shop or on the highway, at home with our families or in a crowded mall with total strangers. Our lives are always “speaking,” and cannot help doing so.

Thus, the first and greatest test of our inner convictions is our behavior in front of and treatment of others. From this first encounter they will form an opinion of us; from that they will add to their opinion about people and their philosophy of life; and of course this will all contribute to their opinion of their own existence within reality.

As john Ortberg and many others have said, “we are constantly being spiritually formed; the question to ask is: what forming us?” Spiritual formation is going on at all times in our lives. We are taking in impressions, ideas, opinions, leadings, and directions from the world around us. As a thirsty plant draws water and nutrients from the soil around it (whether rich in nutrients or poor), we too draw in from whatever is around us.

In the lives of others, we are a part of their spiritual landscape—we contribute the nutrients, water, and life-giving surroundings in which they move. What kind of contribution do we make? Are we used by God in ways that give life to others? Are we in tune with God, and passing that along? Or do we ignore God’s leading in our lives, and instead take our cue from the lesser influences in the world around us, subsequently (and perhaps unwittingly) passing those on to others?

What kind of people are we? What do we contribute to others?

standing in the arc - The Blue Devils

2008-07-18T09:08:00.001-07:00

I got a chance to do something Wednesday evening that I don't get to do very often, but that always gives me a lift musically. I got to watch an open rehearsal of my one of my favorite musical groups, the Concord Blue Devils. I've been a fan of BD since they first emerged on the competitive marching scene in the early 70's, and have been an admirer ever since.

Several things stood out for me in this experience:

1. First and foremost, standing and listening to 70 very highly-trained and -disciplined brass players play as one voice. REMARKABLE sound and blend. No one stuck out, no one tried to "be heard above the others"; the story here was complete unity and being on the same page. The sound was glorious: loud only at the peaks when needed; controlled; lush, beautiful, in tune and together. The rehearsal was led by my friend John Meehan (brass director of the group) and Wayne Downey, legendary musical director and brass arranger for the Devils over the past 34 years (and one of my personal heroes as a composer-arranger).

2. The warmth and friendliness of each member with whom I spoke. These folks really care about their image to the outside world, and they are great people all-around. Each was courteous and very helpful.

3. The highest level of discipline imaginable. Though the entire group (numbering around 150) spent the last 45 minutes or so in a rehearsal on the field that contained much "down" time--pauses for cleanup, giving changes in the program, running sections again and again--no one ever acted up, much less even spoke, out of turn. The attitude of the entire group seemed to communicate that this rehearsal is for everybody, and only those folks who need to talk should talk; everyone else needs to listen and learn. Amazing--choirs, bands, and other kinds of organizations could certainly learn a lot from this kind of presentation.

4. The discipline started at the top, with the instructors: each instruction was given peacefully, with great respect, and many "thank you's" from the staff to the group. No one raised a voice, and all constructive criticism was spoken with great respect for the hearer, and surrounded by an equal (or greater) amount of postiive praise for things done well.

All of this is amazing, and then of course the obvious result is one incredible musical statement by a group brass players, drummers, percussionists, dancers, and visual artists coming together to communicate with one voice an amazing musical program of astonishing depth and richness.

The Blue Devils went on to win the following evening (as they have been doing with alarming regularity this entire summer season!), and it's no surprise. They have the winning combination of great vision, great program, great teaching, and great concept of individual responsibility and integrity. I wish them the very best this summer!

Being loved

2008-07-15T07:06:00.000-07:00

A wise person once said “most of our problems stem from our inability to recognize God’s love for us.” When we know we are truly loved, truly forgiven, and truly empowered to live, we are free to STOP—stop fighting, scrapping, competing, jockeying for position, and trying to get ahead. We stop trying to dominate conversations, win arguments, and exert our will over another. We stop worrying “if there will be enough for us at the end,” “whether someone will take our place, or our credit,” or “what will happen to us.”

This does not come easily, and certainly not all at once. Believing and appropriating God’s love is a long process, and is made longer by our frequent relapses into thinking that we are the captain of our own ship and responsible for our own well being and future. Every time we “take matters into our own hands,” we stop practicing believing that God is who He says He is, and that He can do what He says He will do. His promises are clear, and they are pointed directly at us; and yet, when we don’t believe them, we block Him out, and lose out on His blessing.

The line between our action and His intervention is often a gray one, unclear and even at times murky. But lately I have noticed one indicator for discerning the source of our drive and power: it is the condition of our souls during the doing. If we are peaceful, quiet, and secure, we are likely responding to His energy in our lives; but if we are frantic, nervous, trying to win or get it done quickly (out of concern that it won’t happen), we may be trying to make something happen in our lives apart from His power.

We can monitor our souls as we move through our days. The task might be a good one, perhaps even one ordained by God; and yet we will not ultimately draw upon the resource of relationship with Him if we allow fear to motivate us in the action. Our actions must be a response to what God has done, not a replacement for what we fear He has not done.

Fasting (for real)

2008-07-14T19:01:00.000-07:00

Last week I fasted for the first time in a long time. It lasted just 1-1/3 days, and yet It was easily the most meaningful fast I’ve ever done--an amazing time of being close to God. I can now see what Willard and others have talked about: in times of abstinence from earthly things, God certainly can grow larger in our experience.

I also felt as though my spiritual sensitivity was heightened. I felt more in tune with my own feelings and inner leadings; I also felt more peaceful, and more attuned to the needs of others. What I felt most of all was non-competitive. I didn’t feel as though I was battling others—in conversation, accomplishments, needs met, agendas passed. I felt a continuing sense that “things will work out—there is time for each of us.” Perhaps this is the greatest danger in our dependence upon earthly sustenance: we get demanding, we get self-focused, and we get impatient that somehow our needs won’t get met and we won’t be okay.

I finally [start to] get Dallas Willard

2008-07-12T11:21:00.000-07:00

It seems that everyone I respect in the world of Spiritual Formation thinks very highly of the writings of Dallas Willard. I confess I have tried on several occasions in the past to read Willard, but it hasn’t clicked. Perhaps it is his more formal style of writing (which I remember slowing me down in my first introduction to C. S. Lewis and G. K. Chesterton), or maybe it was the fact that the very officious (and somewhat bland) Times font was used in the editions I read. Pretty lame excuses, I know...

Having just returned from the Willow Creek Arts Conference where I attended a session by Mindy Caliguire (another of my mentors in formation), I decided to give old Dallas another try, and picked up Spirit of the Disciplines. Wow—something clicked. I literally FELL in to the writing. He spoke to places in my life that were needful, and offered depth of truth that sunk down deep in my soul and took root. In one fell swoop I started to “get” Willard, and see why everyone else seemed to get him much earlier than I did. (Sorry Dallas, I’m slow.)

The greatest books in my life on the topic of formation have been (and in the order I would suggest others read them when embarking upon the journey of life change and soul care): The Life You’ve Always Wanted by John Ortberg and Shaped by the Word by Robert Mulholland. To this list I must add Willard’s Spirit of the Disciplines. It really is amazing, especially since it doesn’t just talk about the disciplines themselves, but treats their history, biblical roots, and meaning in our lives in great depth.

I’m most of the way through the book, highlighting madly; when I finish I’ll collect my notes and start through again. I can see spending a lot of time with this book over the next few months.

Arts Conference - In the Beginning

2008-06-13T12:31:00.001-07:00

Well, it's over. Wow. I'm toast. It was amazing.

I'm sitting in the O'Hare Airport waiting to board my plane home. In the previous posts I described events just a bit out of order, so I'll try to fill in the gaps in these next few.....

Spent Tuesday evening hanging with my friend John Carlson, a former Music Director at Willow Creek and at McKinney Fellowship when I was there. We did our ritual Chili's hang and then had the opportunity to walk through Willow's new building (new for me, as I've not been up here since the building was built). The place is amazing. We walked on stage, through the backstage, around the plethora of rehearsal spaces, and across the massive lobby. EVERYTHING here oozes first-rate quality. Nothing is spared in terms of audio quality, visual clarity, and aesthetic beauty throughout the entire building. And it's amazing how seamlessly the new building flows into the old (connected at the lobbies).

Wednesday morning and we're off to registration and the opening session.The first corporate worship experience was stellar, and I was caught up in the worship, the music, the people, the Scripture reading, everything. Great songs, great leadership by Todd Lundgren and his team, including a terrific musical and verbal presentation of Isaiah 40. I really felt that we were taken on a journey to God's heart for us and for the lost. Incredible.

Nancy Beach, was, as always, inspiring and enlightening. Why does she always end up tearing up emotionally during her own talks. (Why do I always follow her?) She seems to have the ability to touch people deeply with the touch of God and His love for all of us. It's an incredibly moving experience. She also took us on a journey, this one through Psalm 40:1-10, which was the key passage printed in the Conference notebook. Lots of time for silence, for reflection, for self-examination, for realizing vision for our own lives and what God can do in and through us. What a great, meaty, substantive, deep way to start the journey through the week together.

She quoted Mark Batterson in a line that has become etched in my brain since hearing it: "If we are not careful, we will do ministry out of memory rather than out of imagination." (Emphasis mine)

How much time an we spend "mailing it in" while creating worship services, or working with our teams, or even planning and creating? How often are we guilty of saying "what we did last year worked great--let's just do that again!"

Wake-up call.

more from the Arts Conference - Tim Stevens (Pop Goes the Church)

2008-06-12T13:02:00.000-07:00

Just saw Tim Stevens' session on his new book, Pop Goes the Church. Tim said a lot of great stuff, and he also let video do a lot of talking for him. Grainger Community Church approaches each sermon series with incredible creativity: "Let it Be....Christmas" (the Christmas story answers the questions raised by Beatles songs), "The Enemy Within" (based upon Spiderman 3) and most notably an incredible sequence from Desperate Housewives on the topic of your neighbors' questions about God and our inadequate responses as Christians. Can't wait to read the book!

Willow Creek redux - Mark Batterson - Snakes & Doves

2008-06-12T11:10:00.000-07:00

Okay, it's obvious that with input coming at near lightspeed I'm not going to be able to blog about each session as it happens. So, this is out of order...

Mark Batterson. Wow--amazing Session. Mark leads National Community Church in D.C. that has 4 venues, a huge internet presence, and no "building." He thought they would "rent until they built" as is the standard, but they realized that their large venue, in a theater inside Union Station, has (1) great video screens (2) comfortable chairs [1 & 2 not requiring setup!), (3) 40 restaurants in a food court, and (4) a KILLER subway system leading right to their church. Who could ask for anything more!

They also created Ebenezer's, which is now the largest coffee shop on Capitol Hill, wholly owned and operated by the church; it also hosts a service on Saturday evening. Some incredible stats on the church:

66% of attenders are single twenty-somethings
44% have attended less than one year
76% invited someone to church last year
55% involved in small groups

Mark quotes:

"There are ways to do church that no one has even thought of yet."
"We must redeem the techology for good."
"1% of what do will make 99% of the difference."

Mark, hats off to you and your team for such creativity.

Willow Creek

2008-06-12T08:30:00.000-07:00

Came up for my 4th or 5th trip to Willow, this week to their amazing Arts Conference. This is just my "wow, I'm drinking from a firehose and can't keep up so I'm not writing about any details at this point" post.

Highlights....worship (as always), Brian McLaren, Ross Parsley, and Nancy Beach, who never ceases to amaze me.

More to come...

Why are we here, really.

2008-03-25T07:46:00.000-07:00

We just finished "big" Easter services at the church where I serve. As often happens, the quiet after the storm of activity gives me the opportunity to pause and think about life, both what's ahead and what we just finished doing.

Today I am reading Dorothy L. Sayers' "The Mind of the Maker," essentially about how the creative aspect of being human mirrors and points to our Creator. One only has to read a couple of paragraphs of Sayers' writing to feel her passion, her brilliance, and her grasp of reality. In her introduction she quotes Berdyaev:

"God created man in his own image and likeness, i.e. made him a creator too, calling him to free spontaneous activity and not to formal obedience to His power. Free creativeness is the creature's answer to the great call of its creator. Man's creative work is the fulfillment of the Creator's secret will."

Of course, being in the arts myself, I resonate with this, and believe it to be true for my life. It does, however, raise questions about our role(s) on earth. Why are we here? Some standard answers

to proclaim the gospel
to know God
to worship God
to be transformed into the likeness of His Son
to bring glory to Him
to engage in kingdom living here and now

...to which we might add, "to be creative" as He is creative.

How does this fit in? I have been thinking about this very question lately. C. S. Lewis is quoted as saying that, as we get to know God more intimately, we become more "ourselves" (i.e., the 'ourself' He truly intends for us to be) in the process. And I wonder if this "becoming," as in so many other things in life, really consists of exploration, discovery, stretching, growing, etc. In other words, "creating" in life--doing new things, trying unfamiliar ones, shedding old, crusty habits for new, untested, and often raw practices. In a sense, should we not constantly be involved in creating--creating our life?

Now this is all on an individual level--so now transport this to designing worship, church leadership, church culture, etc. Isn't it possible that there is an unspoken charge from God to "change or die"? Or paraphrased, "grow or die"? Or even, "create or die"? Do we not "owe" it to God (by virtue of the fact that He gave us creativity and desire for discovery, learning, and growth) to be creative, not only in our lives, but also in the culture we create and maintain concerning the gathering of His people?

I might have to think about this for a while. How much of what I do is "creative," and how much is merely so much maintenance of the status quo? I work in both worship ministry and in the music marketplace, and the question is valid in both arenas. Do I truly create (or at least re-create, re-fashion, re-form, etc.) in the works I create? Or am I guilty of merely "filling in the blanks?" These, I believe, are the questions before me as I move through this post-Easter season of ministry as well as into a new season of creativity (I'm currently working on several new instrumental commissions).

My heroes in music have often been those who regularly "reinvented" themselves--though in reality we must admit that they are not changing into new inventions so much as they are alternately discovering and producing from first one part of themselves, and then another. My favorite example is the jazz composer and pianist Chick Corea. Besides the frightening rate at which he creates music and releases new CDs (!), what's truly amazing is how he moves from one stylistic area of creation to another. From bebop- and cool-inlfluenced writing and playing, through all types of "fusion", to various world styles, on to his "elektrik" phase and then into more organic expressions, Chick never seems to sit still--he's always creating; creating not just music, but actually creating the rules, boundaries, and descriptors for each style through which his music moves. And through it all, he remains undeniably Chick--different, and yet more than ever the same.

Perhaps this is our goal as Christ-followers...to continually re-fashion our mode of living, re-invent our lives, and through it all be creative in anything and everything we do--never standing still, always moving, and yet always somehow (and increasingly more so) ourselves. Perhaps in this way we move most toward God as we become more like Him.

Music for Quiet Inspiration

2007-11-15T06:52:00.000-08:00

Being a musician, I rarely am able to listen to music “while I’m working” (either because it conflicts with the writing I’m doing, or I get distracted listening and can’t focus on other things!). But I do often have soft music playing in the background while studying or reading, and I have discovered some great music for this purpose—not wallpaper, but more ‘inspirational’ in the sense that it puts me in a creative space. Here are my top 3 “reflective” CDs (with more to follow):

Nomad by Paul Savaunet. The best way to describe this CD is mystical nomadic world music. Replete with atmospheric synth layers, tambourines and finger cymbals, chimes, and lush string writing, the CD is a journey through several other-worldly venues. The titles of the cuts are:

Oasis
Nomad
Madurai Temple
Bolero Excelcis
Land of the Angel

Riven Soundtrack by Robyn Miller. This very atmospheric soundtrack was written by one of the very talented and creative Miller brothers who created the Myst series of computer games. Robyn wrote the music for the first Myst as well as for Riven, the sequel; other composers handled the duties in later entries while Robyn went on to other creative ventures. Having been a fan of all the Myst games, I have always been intrigued with Miller’s choices of textures and colors in this soundtrack. Though there are only subtle differences between the tracks (in line with the very consistent immersive experience of the game), it is nonetheless an enjoyable sonic journey into the alternate worlds of caves, temples, islands, maglev cable bars, strange creatures, and, of course, the all-important linking books that allow travel between the worlds.

Crystal Silence by Chick Corea and Gary Burton. This is a classic recording, and one that has never ceased to amaze me in its energy, creativity, and sheer sonic delight. The eminent composers (Corea on piano and Burton on vibes) combine to create a rich palette much larger than their two instruments would normally dictate. The interplay between the players is fantastic, and the improvisational aspect of their musical interplay successfully blurs the line between improvisation and composition.

Desert Island Orchestral Works

2007-11-04T20:49:00.000-08:00

I am in the last stage of completing a new orchestral commission for the Virginia Beach Symphony. It's a 10-minute fantasy on old Sea Shanties (think "Blow the Man Down" and "What Shall We Do With A Drunken Sailor"). While working on this piece I have come to realize that a handful of major Orchestral works have deeply influenced my composition (and orchestration) over the past few years. Here are the 6 Orchestral Works I couldn't bear to be without on a desert island!

Concerto for Orchestra - Bela Bartok
The Planets - Gustav Holst
Pictures at an Exhibition - Modest Moussorgsky (orch. Ravel)
Also Sprach Zarathustra - Richard Strauss
The Nutcracker (Complete Ballet) - Peter Tchaikovsky
Symphony No. 2 - Johannes Brahms

In addition to inspiring the creative muse, these works provide indepth composition and orchestration training for any composer. The sheer volume of rich sonorites, unusual doublings and scoring techniques, and other-worldly sounds are some of the most inventive I've ever heard.

It's not a stretch to conclude that many modern composers (particularly in film music) have taken inspiration from these great masters as well. Though these works are 50-100 years old, they sound as fresh and compelling as any modern film music.

Latest reads.....

2007-10-23T20:19:00.000-07:00

Here's what I've been reading (and rereading) lately....

Guiding Your Church Through a Worship Transition by Tom Kraeuter. Tom has written many books on worship theology and practice, and in some ways this one is his most focused upon theology and philosophy (where others have targeted the practical application). I picked this book up again after returning to worship ministry this summer; I’m not intentionally trying to take the congregation at this new church through a worship transition per se, but the topic is relevant to the extent that I am new (and the church is new to me). The book's strong suit relevance to worship ministry at any point of growth: the author cuts through the "style wars" and concentrates his instruction on the topics of theology, mission, community, team-building, and volunteer development. Tom digs into the “what” and “why” of our worship, and it’s a great worship philosophy tune-up for leaders and congregants alike.

Reveal by Greg Hawkins and Carly Parkinson. This book is the result of a multi-year survey and study by the leadership team at Willow Creek Community Church that was prompted by asking the question: “Are our ministries, plans and services producing the kinds of mature believers we are seeking according to our mission?” It’s a courageous question, and one that I find many churches are reluctant to ask for fear that their programming and ministry choices might come up empty in terms of long-range impact. The books is short and succinct; I won’t give it away, but I can promise it’s worth the 1 hour+ needed to get through it. Our pastors and I had the opportunity to go to a Reveal conference in the Dallas area a couple of weeks ago and hear Greg Hawkins discuss the study and the book (and what they’ve learned since its publication).

The Cloister Walk by Kathleen Norris. I have been involved in a men’s Saturday morning discipleship study each Saturday morning since March that has taken a deeper look at Spiritual Formation and the more introspective spiritual practices. We have spent the entire time in Matthew 5-7, and we’ll conclude in a couple of weeks. Besides the deep and fascinating look into the scriptures and into our own lives, one side benefit has been my introduction to a host of “reflective writers.” We have looked at and read quotes from old masters such as Augustine, Benedict, St. Teresa of Avila, and St. John of the Cross, as well as the modern writers such as Buechner, Nouwen, and Willard. I found The Cloister Walk through such travels among the modern writers. Norris is a lay person, a poet and homemaker who invested a period of time at an Abbey in the Midwest with Benedictine monks. She tells an incredible story of her deeply introspective time in communion with God alongside a community devoted to serving one another. It’s a fantastic read, and very inspiring.

[I also picked up a few other devotional books with the Norris: Stations on a Celtic Way by Margaret Silf, and On Pilgrimmage by Jennifer Lash. I’ll report on these once they’re finished.]

Back in the worship kitchen

2007-10-23T20:15:00.000-07:00

It’s been over 2 months since I came back to vocational full-time ministry, and what a ride it’s been! It is refreshing and exciting to join a community of worshipers once again, and being given the opportunity (and responsibility!) to help lead them to a place of worship and sacrifice each week. And it’s very fulfilling to make new friends and work with a staff committed to discipleship.

Alive (and well) in Texas

2007-07-14T18:53:00.000-07:00

It's been over a year and a half since my last confession...er....blog entry. Hard to catch up for all that time, so I'll just give a snapshot of what's happening right now.

BACK IN MINISTRY. August 1st I will officially re-enter "vocational ministry" and take the position of Director of Worship at a local congregation in my own town. I have been in discussion with the Senior Pastor there for nearly two months and it seems like a good fit. I have not been in full time minstry since January of 2005, and I've had a lot of time to think about what's really important when contributing to the mission of a local church. This church desires to reach people, and they seem to genuinely place a high value upon community and authenticity, which I applaud. I will do my best to bring what I have to help make the mission an ever-occurring reality.

LATEST BOOK READS. As usual, it seems, my book stack grows ever taller, no matter how many I read. Here are the most recent ones that I have actually finished:

Simple Church by Ranier and Geiger
Static by Ron Martoia (a must read)
Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell
Simply Christian by N. T. Wright
The HP Way, Perfect Enough, and Backfire (3 business biographies about Hewlett-Packard)
iWoz: From Computer Geek to Cult Icon by Steve Wozniak

And those I am currently reading:

Eat This Book by Eugene Peterson
Six Thinking Hats by Edward De Bono
Sex God by Rob Bell
Recalling the Hope of Glory by Allen Ross (which will be a long, slow study)

That is, in addition to the plethora of magazines to which I subscribe each month: Wired, Fast Company, Keyboard, Electronic Musician, Relevant, Worship Leader, and MacWorld.

THE STRATA BIG BAND. I have finally reconvened my big band after a nearly 5-year hiatus. We had a couple of rehearsals and then a jazz club appearance. You can see a photo gallery here. The gig was completely satisfying both musically and socially; I got to play with many friends I hadn't worked with in quite a while, and got to try out many new arrangements. The band was hot, and the audience was really receptive. We will be playing more often, for sure!

Current Reads

2005-12-14T13:38:00.000-08:00

It's time to list a few things I have been reading lately. I know, they're all over the map; just interesting stuff...

Neal Stephenson - Cyptonomicon (finished-awesome) and started Quicksilver
(I love Stephenson for how he so smoothly mixes science, the supernatural, and myth/legend. He probably ripened me up for a return to the works of Lawhead...)

Stephen Lawhead - the Pendragon Cycle; 5 books, currently on the 4th - Pendragon
(This is a fascinating cycle of books written from Lawhead's obviously Christian perspective but focusing around myth, legend and historical fiction--think C.S.Lewis. One of the biggest plusses in this cycle is the depth of character as we follow many principal characters from birth to death. I also highly recommend the Empyrion Books Fierra/Dome)

N. T. Wright - For All God's Worth (a small but powerful little book on worship)

Steven Johnson - Emergence: The Connected Lives of Ants, Brains, Cities and Software (finished it this summer--really fascinating take on emergent intelligence)

Brian McLaren - The Last Word and the Word After That (the final book in the "New Kind of Christian" Trilogy, and possibly the best. I highly recommend starting at the beginning of the trilogy, though...)

Robert Fritz - The Path of Least Resistance (a terrific book about creating the life we really want. Rather than dealing with navigating through life as is--and how we have created it, whether consciously or not--this treatise focuses us upon changing the structures of our lives themselves, to better make a way for us to move through life what we really want to do. It's a very interesting approach to common challenges with a new perspective.

Howard Schultz - Pour Your Heart Into It (being a confessed coffee- and coffee-shop addict, I couldn't resist this one. Very inspiring)

Malcolm Gladwell - The Tipping Point (I first heard of Gladwell through Seth Godin's "Idea Virus" book; earlier this year Fast Company did a piece on Gladwell. One interesting take on the commonality between the spread of fads, epidemics, and "stickiness.")

The Imagineers - The Imagineering Way (after a trip to Disney World last spring I was fascinated by the whole design process behind those fantasy worlds. This book is one of many I wrote--it's a sort of field guide to working from inspiration and then making your creations really happen.)

Yep, been gone a while...

2005-12-14T13:07:00.000-08:00

It's a bit embarrassing how long I have been away from this blog. It's been a crazy summer and fall.

I finally launched my music website. It's been fun to put it all together, and make it work. Thanks to my friend Simon for the hard work of coding.

I got to take part in two tours with the Dallas Brass. In September we went to Alaska--a place I have always wanted to visit. Check out the pix in the Alaska Tour Gallery.

I went out again at the end of November for what would turn out to be a blizzard, with school closings, highway accidents and cancelled concerts for us. It was great to play with the group again. They are sounding better than ever.

Lately my family and I are back at an Episcopal Church in the Dallas area, and loving it. It is more than anything a HEALTHY church, and that is wonderful. The teaching communicators are excellent and deep. They have launched a new alternative service to contrast with the blended/liturgical service in the big room, and I have the opportunity to take part in the design process of that service. My wife plays on the worship team as well. God is good.

Tonight I said goodbye...

2005-03-01T23:23:00.000-08:00

Tonight I said goodbye to Andy Sipozwicz and the 15th Detective Squad of NYPD Blue. Not a real flesh-and-blood friend, although it certainly fells like it. Tonight's episode on ABC ended the 12-year run of what I feel is one of the best shows on television. For those who think I'm nuts, let me explain by starting with Dennis Franz' absolute masterpiece portrayal of the deep, flawed, good-hearted, gruff, sensitive, lovable, frustrating, prejudiced, always-growing Sipowicz. I think Andy's character is, in a way, every man. He is all of us. We all have flaws, and we all wish to be better people (sometimes even different people) than we are. And yet Andy never stopped growing, learning, and changing.

The first episode begins with Andy getting gunned down in a setup with a New York callgirl. In those early years we find him loud, obnoxious, and foul; antagonistic, a drunk, a womanizer. But in this near-death experience and the many that follow for him (both of his own and of so many so close to him), we see a man who is given chance after chance to learn and grow and change. Though Andy is only marginally a religious man, he seems to confront his Maker at every turn of his life. He is forced to face his demons, his past, his bad behavior, his vices, his bad attitudes, his resistance to traditional authority, his narrow-mindedness; and with each experience he seems to hold on just long enough to learn a little lesson from life--lessons that we only seem to learn by losing something, or someone, or some part of ourselves.

To combat Andy's deep-seated racism, he finds himself embroiled with a notable African-American leader in New York, and later dealing with his own attitudes towards the man after that man is killed. He also reports to a black Lieutenant. Everywhere Andy tries to continue business-as-usual, it appears that life won't let him off that easy.

His attititudes of intolerance of those of alternative lifestyles is challenged when he realizes that his last Lieutenant is gay, and yet doesn't seek to jeopardize the man's career--admirable since that same boss put continual pressure on Andy for his "outside the box" techniques and seeming inability to follow rules. Andy chooses the high road and refuses payback.

Andy is estranged with his son, finally united with him, sees him become a police officer and protege, and then watches in horror as "the job" claims Andy Jr.'s life.

He has a caustic exchange with the Assistant DA Sylvia Costas, and ends up marrying her, having a child with her, and suffering through the tragedy of her loss of life as well.

Det Sipowicz also bids farewell to colleagues--good ones, who are removed from his life with little or no justice. Indescretions by his first partner John Kelly force Kelly off the job. Andy' greets Kelly's replacement (French-Portugese Bobby Simone) with suspicion and disdain, and ends up loving him like a brother, and finally watching him die of a rare disorder. He sees the next commander of the squad go down in a political squabble, and the next immobilized by permanent nerve damage caused by a gun-firing perp.

Andy's life seems to be characterized by loss--and yet with each loss, Andy does not sink further into despair and hopelessness (although greatly tempted) but seems to rise just a bit further in hope for the future.

Though conservatives and family groups boycotted the show before its premiere in Dallas (and helped to prevent its first two seasons from airing on the local ABC affiliate), I think the show was profoundly spiritual. Though the show featured several obviously spiritual experiences (seeing both his lost son and departed partner in dreams and and receiving valuable life lessons from them), in a deeper sense I think Andy represents the true spiritual nature of the human condition fallen and frail, imperfect and plageud by doubt, and yet with just enough faith to continue around the next corner and be amazed at what life has in store. Though hard-headed, suspicious, judgmental, he is never swallowed up by life, and refuses to believe that his existence is summed up merely by taking the next drink or catching the next perp. In ways we all hope we would respond, Andy transcends his own life by being acquainted deeply with grief, confronting it, accepting it, learning from it, moving past it, and eventually utilizing it to help others with similar struggles (Detective Diane Russell with her husband Bobby's death and her own acoholism, his son with insights on judging people, helping young JohN Clark deal with his own demons from his father, loss of his own relationships, and near-loss of control of his own life).

Though Franz' portrayal was emotional, physical, and even spiritual on many planes, Sipowicz' greatest communication came through his deeply felt facial expressions. Behind that face are logged thousands of hours on the job, thousands of experiences, and thousands of emotions. With Andy, expression came not through what was said, but what was not--a furled, sweaty brow, the perennial wiping his hand over his moustache, the under-the-breath comment that never really gained flight. These devices revealed so much struggle and torment in a man who had endured so much, and yet somehow found the strength to continue living. When he smouldered, I did with him. When he lashed out in racial comments, I didn't agree with him, and yet I understood both how he felt and how quickly his darker side could get control of him. I felt his lonliness whenever it seems that nobody understood him, or sympathized with him, or was dealt the lousy hand that he was.

Through 12 years Franz' character truly grew. He changed, he left childish things behind and rose to the occasion when more was required of him. He softened, lost the edge and gruff exterior, gradually moved from caring only about himself to truly caring and understanding those who were different from him. From prejudice and impatience he blossomed into a truly patient, caring and forgiving man.

I will miss Andy Sipowicz. Though Dennis Franz is a very successful actor with roles in such high-profile films as City of Angels and Die Hard 2, for me he will always be Andy Sipowicz. Andy, you made me laugh, cry, face myself and my own predudices, see the world through another's eyes, and believe that there is hope for everyone. No one is doomed to failure by circumstances, loss, or experience--failure comes from within, from lacking faith and hope, from giving up, from deciding to quit.

Hats off to you, Dennis Franz, for creating and recreating a unique and memorable character who has become firmly lodged in our hearts in a way that none other has done.

And thank you, dear Andy, for sharing your struggles, your defeats, your faith, and your hope with us. We will miss you.

The Greatness of Yoko Kanno

2005-02-09T18:21:00.000-08:00

Yoko Kanno is easily my favorite Japanese film/television composer (along with Joe Hisaishi, the composer of the Academy Award-winning Miyazaki film "Spirited Away"). I never cease to be amazed at Kanno’s incredible diversity of musical style and compositional technique. She is equally at home creating small group and big band jazz, euro-industrial dance tracks, and full-blown, John Williams-esque dramatic orchestral scores, as well as holding her own as a worthy songwriter.

Ghost in the Shell – Stand Alone Complex

2005-02-09T18:20:00.000-08:00

My love for Japanese Anime has found a new object of its desire: Ghost in the Shell, Stand Alone Complex. The original Ghost was a feature anime film, and a sequel (Ghost 2: Innocence) was released in 2004. In between appeared a 26-episode television series. I really needed something to fill the void after finishing both the Cowboy Bebop and Noir serials. Stand Alone Complex fills the bill nicely.

One of the best elements in GITS:SAC is the music of Yoko Kanno, one of my true compositional heroes. (I’ve blogged about her greatness in another entry.) Stand Alone Complex offers one more venue for her stunning compositional achievement. The score alternates between hard-hitting synth-industrial-screaming guitar tracks and haunting vocal songs.

I admit that most of my favorite anime stories center around one (or a combination) of (1) SciFi, (2) special forces/military ops, (3) anti-crime/warlord urban battles, and (4) political spy thrillers. Stand Alone pretty much covers the gamut.

worship leaders forum

2005-02-09T11:51:00.000-08:00

I had a chance to sit in on a worship leaders forum this past week that was held over at Irving Bible Church. Two thoughts:

1. wow. There is so much talent and hunger for connecting with God in this town.
2. Everyone is so different. There was a mix of young and old (well, relatively old--me), men and women, singers, players, writers, church staffers, etc. All with different stories, all with a great point of view. And all seeking to do what we do better.

It was a great night, and I learned a lot. I am grateful.

new must-read book

2005-02-01T19:29:00.000-08:00

Every now and then I find a book that immediately catapults itself into the "must read" category. As I mention elsewhere, "The Millennium Matrix" by Rex Miller is such a book, as is Ron Martoia's "Morph!". I found another one today.

"The Seven-Day Weekend" by Ricardo Semler is a fascinating read. Semler runs a Brazil-based company that seem to run successfully simply by breaking all the rules, in the spirit of other "out of the box" business reads such as "Now, Explore Your Strengths," "Leading Up," and anything by Eli Goldratt (for you cost-accounting gurus out there). The most basic philosophy at Semco is to simply to ask "why," and then to keep asking it until you have cut through all the "that's the way we've always done it" or "it really won't work any other way" responses. Semler's point throughout the book is that there really aren't many good reasons why companies do business the way they do it, but a multitude of reasons why they SHOULDN'T. Semler attacks such sacred cows as the M-F 5 day work week (which, he aptly points out, doesn't really exist anymore since we either take work home over the weekend, or run our weekends in the same obsessive, goal-oriented way in which we operate during the week!), the 9-5 work day, the "you must work here in the office" mentality, etc.

It is very apparent to me from my experience in both ministry and academia that "it's just the way things are done" is the rule of the day, but rarely does anyone ask why. Selmer points out amazing stories from his own company's management style. I think church leaders everywhere could really benefit from reading this terrific book.

megachurches and postmoderns

2005-02-01T08:17:00.000-08:00

For any of you who haven't read the insightful blogs of the Tall Skinny Kiwi, they are very thought-provoking. A friend tossed me a Link to a great entry this morning (sorry I didn't read it back when it was written!) As good as the entry is, the replies are as good or better.

A couple of observations of my own:

1. "megachurch" often connotes size of congregation, according to church growth and planting mavens. Here we would have to agree that the term also connotes a philosophy, characterized by presentation, mass-customization, orientation toward perception by the attender (tell them what they think they need to hear, as opposed to what God wants them to hear according to His word). This is very similar to how the term "emergent" church was drawn out of theology, and yet often comes to denote ministry praxis (style of music, artistic/intellectual orientation of its participants, etc.). Those distinctions are critical, because we are not only talking about size of church, but also about what happens to our ideology when we get to that size (or conversely, keep it that size). There is one church in the Dallas area that is a megachuch by size, and yet emergent by approach. I think they are doing a remarkable job, and yet they themselves admit that it just gets more difficult to keep your eye on the ball with all those people coming through the door.

2. arrogance (of any ministry model) is a critical point here. Emergents are criticizing the megas for thinking they have the right way to do church. In many circles the emergents themselves are guilty of the same thing. The Bible calls it spiritual pride ("puffing up") and it brings no one into relationship with Jesus.

3. I have noticed many leaders in megachurches seem too busy and time-structured to be able to sit down and hear feedback about their own minstry from others. Unfortunately, I have seen emergents have a similar response, not due this time to busy schedules, but rather from a seemingly "single focus" on what they're doing as right. Neither is open to being challenged in their ministry praxis, but for different reasons.

4. It is one thing to say "that doesn't work for me (but I appreciate that God uses it to build His kingdom)," and "that's stupid (I can't believe anyone would think that God could use that with anyone)." Obviously it is our disenchantment with "the old" way that leads us to find "a new way." But it is erroneous thinking to feel that we cannot take anything from the old way and learn from it as we morph it and apply it to what we are doing. (To Andrew's credit, he does this later in the article when he mentions the pioneering elements in Willow's approach that have paved the way.)

5. People are different, and thus the need for different chuches. However, people are also the same everywhere--they need a relationship with God. In this regard we can get too attached to our ministry model and forget whey we're here in the first place.

One thing that's critical (and both megas and emergents might agree) is that we do need to fully understand our culture--how they think, what they value, and even how they learn and communicate. Jesus was the master of connecting to people right where they were, no mater where they were. Thus, any church of any size that neglects to study its culture in order to properly intersect it with the gospel does so to its own peril. As Ron Martoia says, "not only should we exegete the Bible, but we also must exegete our culture." This is only compounded when a church "creates a culture" within its own boundaries, and then starts meeting its own needs to the neglect of those outside the walls.

Fight Club

2005-01-31T16:58:00.000-08:00

I finally saw Fight Club a week or so ago. As often is the case, Fight Club isn't only about "fighting". I really appreciate so much about this film. While avoiding spoilers for those who haven't seen it, I see this film as a worthy member of the following list:

Memento
Pulp Fiction
The Usual Suspects
The Sixth Sense
Mulholland Drive
Being John Malkovich

Movies in this category (1) require a second viewing, and (2) are almost as much fun to read ABOUT on the internet as they are to watch.

Roger Ebert is quoted as saying, "Movies aren't about what they're about, they're about how they're about it." This movie definitely proves the point.

my current reads...

2005-01-27T11:22:00.001-08:00

Here are the books I am either (1) reading, (2) just finishing, or (3) going back through and making notes...

The Millenium Matrix by Rex Miller
Holy Transformation by Chip Ingram
Colossians Remixed by Walsh & Keesmaat
The Coffeehouse Gospel by Paul Matthew Turner
Buck Naked Faith by Eric Sandras
A Primer on Postmodernism by Stanley Grenz

The Matrix Revisited again..

2005-01-27T11:22:00.000-08:00

I received The Matrix 10-DVD Ultimate Collection last November. Needless to say it has been a wild ride. I had previously watched all 3 of the films several times, but this experience of going through each "making of" DVD and then watching the movie all the way through was invigorating! The other DVDs in the set are incredible. I am on my last disc, The Roots of the Matrix, which discusses the philosophical basis for the movies.

I am taking the Wachowski Brothers' suggestion to all the lead actors by beginning to read:

Simulation and Simulacra by Jean Baudrilliard
Out of Control by Kevin Kelly
Introducing Evolutionary Psychology by Dylan Evans and Oscar Zarate

I'll let you know how they are when I come up for air...

resonate

2005-01-27T11:21:00.000-08:00

Today I have been thinking about the word "resonate." As a musician, it is rich with meanings for me. As I think about navigating in today's world, resonate takes on an interesting connotation.

In my life over the past two or three years, I have read certain books, blogs, and sites which cause something in me to resonate with what they are saying.

To resonate is to assume that there is something "out there" beyond one's self. It is the opposite of a common philosophy of "I've got to do this all myself," or "my way or the highway." In fact, to resonate does, in one sense, connote abandonment of one's self and selfish orientation. It implies that there is something outside of me that has value and that I can grow and widen my world by seeking it and resonating with it.

Incidentally, a trip to http://www.resonate.ca/ put this word in my mind this morning, and I can't get it out.

welcome to my new blog

2005-01-27T11:15:00.000-08:00

Welcome to my new blog. I have wanted to do this for a while, and the time seems right.

A little about myself...

I am a composer, producer and performer (mostly brass instruments). After attending the University of North Texas I've had various opportunities in music including playing on the road, working at a recording studio, being a staff composer for a major publisher, and teaching music courses at college. I married my lovely wife Gail in 87, and we have three kids. She is also a composer as well as a pianist and we have worked on music projects together.

I have had two worship pastor positions in ministry, one at a large church and the other at a smaller one. Between those two positions I was out of ministry for a period of ten months where I continued to write and perform music, but also rested, relaxed, read a ton of books, traveled, and drew nearer to God than ever before.

While not currently working on a church staff, I am doing a lot of thinking about what the call of the 21c church is. (Many are trying to figure that out right now.) I know for a fact that just as the world has changed drastically in the last 50 years, so must the church. While currently writing music (both for others and for ensembles in which I am involved), I continue to listen, learn, and grow, seeking to know God, myself, and the path ahead.